Questions and Comments from Today

I haven’t been readily able to write, or more accurately, I haven’t had the inclination to write. But that’s what I expected, to flow in and out and become occupied with other things like pants. But, today has come and a few things of note or ponder have come up.

I think about appreciation. Is it a quantity or a quality event? What if you never had the chance (literally) to tell someone or something how much you appreciate an act?

In response to myself, I think that’s why we need to live in an unconditional manner. To give without expectation and to receive without expectation. Sometimes we live through wonderful accidents. But what should we appreciate for it? I’m not sure directly, but as I become more aware of the world turning, I’ve begun to say thank-you’s to whatever needs it.

As for quantity or quality? I don’t know. I see in writings, and hear from mouth, about these spectacular events that people will cherish forever. I haven’t had that within my own life. Also, I’m very concerned about the changing of stuff. Would that character cherish forever if they lose their memory? I’m not sure. What I do know is thanking someone by saying “I will cherish this until I forget about it” isn’t too sensitive. This mindset seems to describe why I speak in general terms.

This is a large enough topic for another essay if the event ever comes (it has once before passed). I believe that states beget states. That’s to say that a state of being will generate itself. This is described in a circle. I also believe that nothing is ever the same, content transforms constantly. (hah, i said constantly because I’m talking about change and I’m a jokester). So I see this as not a circle. To combine the 2, I go back to freshman year of high school when I contemplated what an infinite sided polygon was. I said a circle. The theories that have been published named this figure an “apeirogon” The concept is either a circle with infinite radius or a sort of helixing triangle spiral shape. It seems simple enough, and it helps me understand the nature of things. So there you have it. the answer is 42, the question was apeirogon?

How much does brain activity affect our lives? A lot. So much so that we construct our entire lives under the assumption that we’ll always have it. I don’t know what else I’m feeling about that, but it popped up.

A mindset I’ve noticed developing within me is what I call “divine obliviousness.” This is where you have no idea what “should” be and just contemplate what is. It has started small but I can feel it grow. It’s led me to do things somewhat uncharacteristic such as wait with a man for 2 hours and pay for a train ticket so he can get back home. I don’t know what has or will come of it, but I know something will. But how can we know should. The more I let this mind seep, the sillier should seems. It’s not gone completely though. I wonder how much it will seep.

Ok that’s all I have. I’m hoping that by jotting down some thoughts, my writing will reignite.


Edit: and already it’s back. I can’t sleep because my mind has become fixated on an idea which I’m sure holds deeper meaning into my own life.

I think humans are a habitual creature. How to be happy and healthy? Form habits that resonate with your definitions and accept them for all their outcomes.

When I think of habits, I think of patterns.
For some reason, weight loss is what I’m stuck on, but it’ll serve as a good analogy, and I plan to use an analogy within it so here we go.

When people want to lose weight, they “go on a diet.” That holds the mindset of the mistake. The instant/nonlasting experience to get what we want which is so popular these days.
To “go on a diet” implies that it’s an external event that you know will one day end. Here comes the nested analogy.


An airplane has throttle. You turn the throttle to 50%. It hits 100 mph. Nice! that’s a stable place for the plane. But the pilot has a need for speed. He boosts the throttle to 100%, Now the plane is going 200 mph. not so stable, but that need is being filled. He feels though that he must keep the plane stable, so he decides to reduce the throttle to 50% again. It falls to 100 mph. The pilot feels that is enough and cranks the throttle again. Etc.

To “go on” a diet. What’s needed is to change the eating habits. That is, if weight loss is the ultimate desire.

So here’s how I think of this, for me it isn’t weight loss, rather every action I do that I contemplate. What are my habits? Why? can the be changed? For what reason? There’s all sorts of unique answers, so this is how I envision them.

When I make a conscious effort to change a habit, I begin a process at every moment that I feel relates. That process is pattern-envisioning. With every single related action, I stop and contemplate that that moment was the last in a cycle that is “habit.” If I were to live this cycle forever, what would the habit be, why, will it change? This helps to prevent making excuses during times of low willpower. “Oh I’ve been good for 8 days, I can treat myself” Now, that 9 day event is the cycle of habit. 1/9 days are spent “treating.”
I don’t mean to say this is good or bad, as I first stated, it’s my system of being aware of the cause and effect of my actions in relation to my own body and experiences. It’s led to some absurdity of mind, and I hope that will come out in my actions.


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