A Few Thoughts that Popped Up

I think the last paragraph is the most important

I like to speak one-one one with people. I think we become different versions of ourselves around people, so to have only one; it’s much less to have to balance. We can become that shared space, the Mandorla or Vesica Picis (spelling). This can happen with more people, there can always be a common purpose. Just for me and in my experience, it’s hard to beat one-on-one.

As a kid i hated doing analogies in school. Now, they’re just about the only way I know to speak. I think it’s because I was frustrated with the singular nature of the analogies they expected as answers. Many things can be like many things. Hell the more I observe, all I’m beginning to see is sameness. However, there was never a “we’re all made of the same vibrating stuff” answer on the tests.

Just because one chooses something that seems unreasonable or against-the-grain doesn’t mean it is fighting the good fight. The majority may be right, it may be wrong. It’s true when people follow their heart, others may try to dissuade them because it sounds risky, but not always. It is not the image of the journey that matters, rather the intent of the journey. This is how to appreciate every part of the journey, and in my case, those that are a part of it.

In a more general sense: when we exercise, we often feel pain. This pain tells us that we are growing. Then we rest and let our body heal. This is wonderful, and part of the growing process. I think we all realize that. I’ve noticed a misplacement in focus though. I’ve heard sayings like “feel the burn” but nothing like “feel the cells regenerating.” To move away from the working-out analogy, I find we place an emphasis on the pain part of growth. We think that pain means growth. Perhaps it’s so we can accept and justify the hard times in our lives. From that though comes a blindness to healing. I see it in myself. I feel guilty when I’m not working because I could be out learning something or developing better skills. However, maybe feeling the sunshine and smelling the grass is the current step in the learning process. Growth may contain pain, pain doesn’t contain growth.

Some time I have little hobbies I like to do. One time, it was origami. I learned a few shapes, mastered them, made them with my eyes closed based on touch alone. What I really enjoyed doing was making them at the mall and leaving them out for someone to take. I would return later to find that they were picked up and I think that’s wonderful.

Doing this brought me to a realization that I still hold strongly within me. I asked, when does my paper become a flower? Is it the last fold, or the first? Maybe it’s the middle.

I don’t know the single answer, but I learned the message. Destruction and creation are symbiotic events of the same creature: transformation. Dennis has introduced me to Hindi religion and the god/goddess Shiva. Maybe one day, I will delve deeper into that.

That is my story, and this is the mind I am now that calls upon that. I did origami just for enjoyment. I liked to fold, but also to leave them. I have lost that sense in relation to costume making and theater. As it became what I call a “reality” I focused more on becoming strong and marketable rather than enjoy the process which I had started so I could dress like Coldplay. It may be time to move on, maybe not. It is definitely time to transform the mindset behind it. It’s scary to not know how you will sustain yourself, but it will happen one way or another. I think I need to begin a process of listening to my enthusiasm again. At the moment of writing this, it’s contemplation and writing: that’s what’s getting me excited.


edit: as i lay down to sleep, I find that all things in life are just a transformation of energy. That’s simply it.
This peaks my curiosity in  field of electronics. With my extra time for classes next semester, I may look into taking something along the lines of a robotics club type class.
Jack, re-read this tomorrow!


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